You Know You’re Fat When…
February 8th, 2010*Disclaimer: This post, in no way, is meant to offend or make fun of those of the larger weight capacity. If you fall under any of the following categories, I am not saying you are fat, rather that you just engage in fat-ish actions. Think Jamie Foxx’s stand up routine, when he talks about Whitney Houston…”I’m not saying she’s a crackhead, but what she did the other night was crack-ish“.
You see, I decided to comprise a “You know you’re fat when…” list because I’ve noticed how much: a. I love to eat, b. my friends love to eat, and c. we all encourage gluttonous acts of eating. You should have seen how much food we had this past weekend in Tahoe. Breakfast burritos, loco moco, lomo, tri-tip, bbq chicken, lumpia, mac n cheese, cupcakes, ice cream cake… and that was one meal!!
I feel comfortable comprising this list because deep down inside, I’m a little fat boy at heart. I’ve struggled with weight since a little boy, and here, I have proof. This is me at two/three years old. I’m so fat my right leg is trying to eat my shorts!!
You can still see the creases in my arms from where the fat rolls used to be.
How many kids do you know that faced a weight crisis at three years old. This is me at three, and four, at Christmas with Santa. Proof it’s never too late, or early, to start losing weight… Damn, just look at that face. I’m so fat I just look uncomfortable. Like I’m trying to smile, but the fat keeps getting in the way… and yes, I wore the same shirt consecutive years.
So again, if you find yourself guilty of any of the following (and trust me, I’m guilty of just about all of them), I’m not saying you’re fat, I’m just saying you are doing some things that might be considered fat- (everyone say it together) ish.
• You know you’re fat when you consider walking exercise (unless you’re an Olympic Speedwalker. Those people are The Truth.)
• You know you’re fat when your inner thighs start to chaff from rubbing together while running on the treadmill.
• You know you’re fat when you go to workout on your lunch break and end up sleeping for the entirety of your lunch break.
• You know you’re fat when you and your significant other can’t fit on the couch together when spooning while watching TV.
• You know you’re fat when you stand straight up, and you can’t see your….toes.
• You know you’re fat when you don’t warm up your leftovers because you’re too anxious to eat them.
• You know you’re fat when you deep fry your Thanksgiving turkey.
• You know you’re fat when you deep fry anything other than chicken and french fries.
• You know you’re fat when 98% of your Facebook posts are pictures of food taken from your iPhone (sorry Chris).
• You know you’re fat when you were envious of the humans in Wall-E.
• You know you’re fat when L&L is a contact in your cell phone.
• You know you’re fat when any restaurant knows your “usual”.
• You know you’re fat when you have menu’s from several restaurants stashed in your car so you can call them while you’re on your way to said restaurants and order to go so you don’t waste any time waiting for your food.
• You know you’re fat when you’re watching TV and you notice the remote is laying on the coffee table, slightly out of your reach, so you try to use your Jedi powers to get the remote to jump from the coffee table into your hands.
• You know you’re fat when you pop your inner tube half way down the slope when tubing in Tahoe.
That concludes the list for now. Who knows, maybe one day there will be inspiration for a follow up list. In the meantime, don’t fight it, embrace it. I’m convinced, everyone has a little fat kid deep inside their soul. And it’s okay to let them out every once in a while.
- dru
Super Sunday
February 7th, 2010I was assuming I’d be writing about our Super Bowl Party here at our resort in South Tahoe today, but God has a funny way of changing your mind sometimes. Coincidentally, or maybe not coincidentally, there was a Church directly next to our resort, so a few of us decided to wake up early, if you can call 10am early, for Sunday morning Mass. There was something about the Sunday morning snow that seemed different from all the snow the rest of the weekend. Something magical and peaceful. Church was a quick walk from our room.
We were warmly introduced to this small parish in the middle of the mountains. Our Lady of Tahoe. Inside I was immediately struck by it’s awesomeness, and I mean that in every sense of the word. Windows make up the whole backdrop to the altar, giving you a beautiful view of the snow and trees. Like church inside a winter wonderland.
La Pieta sits directly outside, behind the altar, losing itself in the white of the snow.
I learned a lot from mass today. What I didn’t expect to learn was that tomorrow is the 100th anniversary of the Boyscouts in America. The priest asked for everyone that had spent any time as a scout (boyscout, girlscout, etc…), to stand up. To my surprise, probably 80% of the people attending mass stood up. The priest had one of the scouts come up and talk a little bit about scouts and what they’re all about. Then all the scouts in attendance stood up, as one, and recited the scout oath. It was pretty impressive, and a bit touching. I’m not gonna lie, the girl next to me cried.
The priest asked another random scout to speak. The gentleman was an Eagle Scout from Chicago, and just so happened to be in Tahoe on army duty. He spoke passionately and pridefully. It made me think about how God places you in the perfect place in the perfect time, for you. They closed mass with a song that’s very dear to me, and it just reinforced the fact that we are all where we are, wherever that may be, for a reason. A weekend that I had looked forward to for so long, to go snowboarding, to be with great friends, to eat great food, and by far, my favorite part of the weekend was one hour in a small church, surrounded by scouts. We may not all be scouts, I can’t even tie a proper knot, but we can all strive to live by the same virtues. So I leave you with the scouts oath:
On my honor, I will do my best
To do my duty to God and my country and to obey the Scout Law;
To help other people at all times;
To keep myself physically strong, mentally awake and morally straight.
- dru
POP!
February 7th, 2010As Rodney daydreams about Kelly Kapowski and Robin Givens (pre-Mike Tyson), a bunch of us have been in Tahoe for our somewhat annual snowboarding trip. I know the point of a snowboarding trip is to go snowboarding, but we like to go against the grain sometimes. Needless to say, a few of us didn’t quite make it up the mountain. I guess that’s what happens when you’re the first car up to the resort and have far too much time on your hands and played one too many games of beer pong. So we decided to buy a couple tubes and find a slope off the side of the road and make the best of our day. We came with two tubes and left with one. At about the 8 second mark you find out why.
- dru
Sometimes 124 Characters Aren’t Enough
February 5th, 2010I kind of miss having to write papers in high school and college. I never did more than a day (or a few hours) before they were due. That’s not how cool I am, that’s how lazy I am. Most of the time it would be so late I ended putting in some strange “enlightened” message about life. Most of the time it was a sleep deprived delirium. They must have thought I was crazy. Things haven’t changed much, I’m still “unique” but now I can write and I don’t have to worry about grades.
High school was rough for me. It’s not that I didn’t have any friends, or that I was picked on. People didn’t hate me (except for Dave Bermudez). I managed a girlfriend or two. High school for me wasn’t the life changing experience I saw in Beverly Hills 90210,
source: tubatv.wordpress.com
Head of The Class,
source: thepilver.wordpress.com
or even Saved By The Bell.
source: pickyourfav.com
In hindsight, it’s because I didn’t care and I never tried. I was too scared to make a mistake, too afraid too be judged, too dumb to know any better. Now as a grown ass man I look back and think of the things that made me the man I am today.
My curse is that I remember a lot of crap. Nothing ever important. Just random chance occurrences that meant nothing to the people involved except for me.
The thing about me is that I live in my own reality (duh). I’m learning that perception is relative (der) and that there are always two sides to a story (no kidding). But what I’ve learned after relating to others, that my stories are my stories. They live on in my head like the first time I got laid. I remember it as awesome, but in reality me, she, and her were HORRIBLE. Okay, there was no her (or him- sickos). Reality messes everything up. It’s why people like Avatar and Facebook. But hey, are you going to tell the 5 year old that Santa isn’t real? (I hope 5 year olds don’t Google this).
Nowadays I like to tell stories. I think it has something to do with getting older and taking inventory of my life. Friends, fun, failures and maybe even some victories. I like to think of my life experiences as character building.
What I learned most importantly, that without my friends, my Brothers From Another Mother, I wouldn’t be me.
So that’s what your going to get out of me. Read me wax poetic on the days when I thought I was cool and random stories of stuff that I did. Somethings will get “anonymized” because we are all grown folks now with jobs and wives or husbands and shit. Anyways, relax, it happened like a million years ago.
- H_Rod
Time For A Getaway
February 5th, 2010
- dru
All Eyes On Me
February 4th, 2010
Keep your eyes glued…
- dru
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