Dodging Bullets
March 11th, 2010I hate jury duty. It’s the worst part of being American. It’s the Anti-Christmas. The worst part about it, is it’s element of surprise. It comes around once a year, this we know, but we’re never really prepared for it once it comes. It’s not even a thought on our radar until we get that fateful envelope from the Superior Court of California. We know the envelope by sight. We don’t even have to open it to know what awaits us inside. I received my jury summons a few weeks ago, and you would’ve thought I just got drafted into the army. It’s demoralizing, really. And why do they have to send the summons so early, so we can have this dark ominous cloud over our heads for two to three weeks. Awful.
Today was my summons date, which means I was supposed to call last night for my instructions on whether or not I’m needed. You know how it works. Only, I forgot to call last night. I got mixed up and thought I was supposed to call today. Now I’m freaking out because it says on your summons “Failure to respond to this summons will subject you to a fine, a jail term or both”. Luckily for me there is such thing as the internet. I was able to look up my status and I needed to call again between 11am – 12pm for further instructions. I love it. As if you’re not anxious enough when you call the first time, they make you wait a few more hours to learn your ultimate fate. That cloud is getting heavier and darker. So the time finally came to make the call. I couldn’t believe how nervous I was. You’d think I was Magic Johnson in 1992 awaiting the results of his HIV test (is that a bad joke? I’m sorry), but I was nervous…. And then, the sweet sound of the automation voice says I am not needed and my jury service is complete. Complete and utter joy ensued. Going from absolute devastation and sadness to an enormity of relief and pure happiness in a matter of seconds. Amazing.
Why can’t jury duty be like this…
Here’s my idea. The government needs to hire Tia Carrere to sit in on every jury. I understand she can’t be in every jury in every state. So hire a “Tia Carrere” type to sit in on every jury in America. It would be a nice consolation prize for being stuck on a jury. As I’m writing this I’m realizing all types of flaws in my idea. So I guess it’s not really a plausible idea, but more of a dream, rather.
Was this the pinnacle of Pauly Shore’s career or the rock bottom of Tia Carrere’s? Probably both. But she never looked better.
In any case, this gives me a chance to give Miss Carrere her due. She deserves some kind of Lifetime Achievement Award doesn’t she?
Okay, I checked, and guess what? She was actually given a Lifetime Achievement Award by Philippine president Gloria Arroyo. Good for her. Did you know she also won a Grammy in 2009. And I just learned that she was the voice of Nani in Lilo & Stitch. Damn, you learn something new every day. So, cheers! To Tia Carrere, a lifetime of outstanding work. You’ve already made me forget about my jury duty nightmare, at least for another year.
source photos: imdb.com
- dru
